My Call of the Mild

“9-o’clock!!!” Phyllis erupts. We turn like an organized military battalion.  Everyone’s eyes narrow. And then grow wide.  Well, almost everyone. Stacy massages her temple as if she has a migraine. She knows something we don’t. “3 o’clock!!!” shouts Earl.  Fucking Earl. You see my girlfriend Melissa and I are in Alaska. It’s 2013. It is…